gfjh

ispelldisaster @ 2004-10-26T00:06:00

2004-10-26T05:27:43Z

a lot has happened in the past cpl of days. The play im currently in at the JET just got 4 stars from the freepress. I was just offered a full ride to UFD Mercy from the head of the drama department there on an acting scholarship. I had an audition at the JET today for The Brighton Beach Memoirs, i tried out for the lead and made the call back, its looking promising, but i dont want to get my hopes up. on top of hiawatha (Hiawatha), rappaport (Gilley), 12th night(Sebastian), and poe(poe) (these are the plays im currently in and the roles im playing, if u didnt know). i was just cast in the dearborn family theatre's The Sound Of Music, where ill be playing the role of the guy whose sings, " you are 16 going on 17...blah blah blah". Itll be cool to go back to my roots (Mary Bremmer and all the DYT kids. right now im totally rocking out to peter gabriel and in a minute ill be tapping my feet to a little bit of meatloaf...eff ya.

Gaea's last Stand

watching dead things die pretty
as summer fades and autumn sets
fualtering, fluttering, fleeing
like a heart shedding it's regrets
a chilled atmosphere bloodied
as shards of crimson find there rest
there last position preordained
like virgin tears, a landscape blessed

by Ryan Metcalf

ispelldisaster @ 2004-10-13T22:47:00

2004-10-14T05:48:39Z

Cannonball by Damien Rice

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer EACH DAY
Still I can't SAY what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer TO ME
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't WANNA scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

Damien RIce is fucking awesome!

...eat me.

ispelldisaster @ 2004-10-12T21:20:00

2004-10-13T04:23:00Z

Sorry guys im rly fucking bored....

.put an X next to those which apply to you.
(x) been drunk
(x) been high
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(_) crashed a friend's car
(_) been to Japan
(_) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) been fired or laid off
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
(_) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(_) ever dated someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(_) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
(x) stole something from my job
(_) celebrated new years in time square
(_) gone on a blind date
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(_) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(_) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
(_) cut myself on purpose
(_) been married
(_) gotten divorced
(_) had children
(_) seen someone die.
(_) been to Africa.
(x) Punched a friend
(x) Been to Canada
(_) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(_) Thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been Snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet (EMU livejournal community)
(x) Been moshing at a concert
(_) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(_) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
(_) lost a child
(x) gone to college
( ) graduated college
(x) had sexual intercourse
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now

ispelldisaster @ 2004-10-06T02:01:00

2004-10-06T09:28:19Z

a lil freestyle from my rapper alias Hung Tu Shin:

uh uh ya ya
here i go with this shit...
Im a chink, that mean i dont blink
but i squint yall, yes yes yall
come to think of it , stink of it,
you know im goin to mention it
the creme of the crop,
my fortune cookies and my bamboo stalk
it small,just a tad under thirty
millimeter, but u know i get dirty
with anime porn and girls with wang
im insane, when i hear a dope melody
anything less i stress is naughty
by nature, like this pimpin MC
and this mac that hes layin'
yellow fever, mass hysteria
the problem is im like malayria
like mail order bride i took the U.S by storm
and just like Ivan im hurlin' out free form
uh ya ya pass the MIC B.

-Hung Tu Shin

FUCK U FUCKS!@

-im out

Rock the fuck, biatch!

2004-09-30T15:45:12Z

Nostalgia kills the best of us, thats all I have to say.

Yesterday was the big one nine, spent most of it at rehearsal on in west bloomfield. Afterwards i went out to roseville and chung out with the crew. I finally got to see luigi, and his sexy new teeth, seems like years since i humped his face...

On a side note, larry bought me a clown with a banjo for my B-Day...What a fucker. for those who dont no, I fucking hate clowns, expecially the ones with banjos and my name written across their foreheads in felt tip pen.

I started playing piano. I think everyone will see where this is going sooner or later, so i wont touch on it much now.

and on a final note, i woke up with a sore fucking throat this morning. Ya, it sucks harder than TJ and trust me thats hard to beat.

Off to class then kalamazoo tonight,
Ryan

P.S. Can someone change my LJ, its too fucking depressing.

The cat came back, the very next day...

2004-09-27T16:35:25Z

I'm back biotches, see ya when I see ya.

The End of an Era...

2004-05-30T16:03:37Z

The way I imagined this entry being read would be some what reminiscent of the final episode of the wonder years...

I spent the greater part of my adolescence fighting things, disproving things, hating things. The status quo was my mortal enemy, and we danced a grim macabre throughout the duration of my youth. I grew up with the notion that if its not in front of you, it doesn't exist. I found solace in music. It allowed for my voice to be heard on issues that I felt strongest for, politics, religion...life. Not many people realize this, but "Cover Me" was my battle over the notion of god, and was my journey out of atheism and into agnosticism. "As I Fall" was the O' so epic situation between my father and myself. Pretty much all the rest of Second Priority's earlier stuff were my political stand points at the moment. When I finally made my way into As Dawn Falls, I felt my intellectual Renaissance had ended. I was continually rehashing my old self to better music and a new crowd. If you've ever wondered why I never posted any lyrics, heres the answer, I was embarrassed. The lack of originality was killing me, constantly re opening old spent wounds to construct half assed songs. The harder the songs got, the more I felt I had to use the word "heart" or "bleed, which thoroughly aggravated the situation further. I am Jack's boiling contempt. When I realized my own faults as a writer I started to feel the unduanting disgust for the conformity of others. I wanted no more to have anything to do with what was essentially making me dumber. The black t-shirts, the Japanese tourists, hot topic narcissists. I wanted out, and I found it in an old friend, acting. Not many people know this, but I gave up a semi-professional life as an actor so I would have free time for the band. Now it seemed as though I was doing just the opposite. How do you tell your brother your the malignant tumor slowly creeping up his leg? Ignorance is bliss, but it'll also kill you. I made the decision yesterday morning to lop myself off at the knee. How do you throw your driving force for the past 3 years away? Guys, I love you, I cant see myself holding you back from whatever big plans you have down the road. Our separate paths will cross again, I know this for sure...

Ryan's New Life for Dummies:

I am Christian
I will be attending college in the fall (either Wayne state or henry ford) for theatre and a minor in film writing
I am soon to be Puck in Midsummer Nights Dream this summer (for the second time)
I am still single
I do not drink, I only smoke cigars (sparingly folks, sparingly)
I moved into my new house in west Dearborn
I have a new car (a dodge stratus)
I listen to Dean Martin religiously
I am happy.

These are from the head shots I had taken this week for my acting resume, this will be the only time you will see me post pictures of myself.

Until we meet again,

Jack's fleeting sense of resignation

ispelldisaster @ 2004-05-08T22:53:00

2004-05-09T03:06:38Z

Just got back from playing a show for a bunch of over payed fat asses in the center of Northville. To think I almost moved there a year ago. Hanan went, of course, mainly becuase shes my buddy :) . She said the show was good, so I'm hoping shes telling the truth *cough, cough*. Nothing really new happened lately. Im one book closer to owning all of the Chuck Palanuik books, leaving only Diary left for my greedy little hands to fondle...yeah. Larry is sitting next to me making slurping noises and saying something along the lines of "I'm going to fondle your bossom, little boy". Quite frankly, I dont know whats more disturbing, the slurping or the little boy part. So I figured I could write something incredibly intelligent, however I doubt anyone would get it, so im going to refrain. Instead I'll say something profound in a language everyone understands, potty humor. I have a butt...HAHAHHAA.

I'm burning like a bridge for your body.

-Ryan

...I miss you.

What a way to keep it together...

2004-04-28T17:24:40Z

The play was last night. Two weeks ago i would have never thought it was going to go on. Everything was so last mnute, i didnt even get to rehearse the duet i sing until i sang it on stage at the performance. But everything pull together really nicely, go fig. I had a cpl of unexpected visitors (bry and dee), which made peering into the audience a helluva lot better. Theres alot of other things on my mind that im not going to mention, and there definatley affecting me on a much greater scale than the play. You might hear about them, in all due time.

And your eyes, speaking in tongues.
Vigilant still, filling my lungs.
Testing my will.
They leave me broken and, bruised and bleeding.

-Ryan

P.S. come see me in footloose.
Fordson Highschool
Dearborn MI, 48126
Tues - Fri (april 27 - 30)
7pm
$7 at the door.

the better to eat you with...

2004-04-01T10:18:59Z

once upon a time, id hold you
but your open arms are more like an open book
entitled failed relationships
take that to heart, or whatever you have left of what beats and bleeds

in this story, the prince's lips are cyanide
and your never waking up
so take it all in while you can bitch
soon, you wont be able to fuck it up

there a billion and one ways to rewrite an unhappy ending
and all of them start with writting you out
so heres my pen and paper
and this is where i start...

goodbye, farewell
ill pick up where i left off, a wooden boy with humble dreams

goodbye, farewell
Ill pick up where i left off, the beauty and not the beast

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
something i threw together rly quick, but i liked the idea.

ummm not quite finished.

2004-03-30T09:48:43Z

these are for you my sweetie
red roses for blue lips
6 for each foot of distance
the seventh to tear to its hips

...is she breathing, is she not...

the first pile was an accident,
the second just followed suit
the rest to finish a job well started
the last so you wouldnt get up

...is she breathing, is she not...

my beautiful, beautiful, annabel lee
here is your suplchre down by the sea
while your drowning in dirt, im thinking of weddings
and all my big plans for you and me

NEWS FLASH!!!

2004-03-26T07:50:34Z

Jesus invented the fart touch.

-ryan

DAY 8

2004-03-25T05:38:44Z

for those of you tuned in, my beer meter as officially shifted one spot to the left. Thats right, ugly girls are now less ugly. This is starting to become scary, if my beer meter shifts about 5 more, my dog is going to start looking appealing...ugh.

Ive been writing alot lately, mainly since adf has no lyrics. I think its hilarious how someone posted on our message board that i dont know what im talking about and that i pick random word out of a dictionary to use in our songs. The reason i found this funny is because i have only posted 2 of our songs ever online, and one of which "from texas" was only viewable for the time period of a day on our livejournal account. the other, "die young become martrys" is only viewable on our website, which hasnt been updated and still bears its original name. the lyrics are as follows:

DIE YOUNG BECOME MARTYRS

we hang ourselves in memories of life

to taste the stray bits of happiness that slip beneath the rope

what end our feet struggle for a..

..promise that suspension ends our love for solid ground
for all we have, we throw away
to chase away the razorblades and madness at our heels

the blood is raining down
to form torn photographs in the ground

so tighten up this rope with false apologies
and ill show you what lost dreams are made of
scenes of black and white and red

nevermore, (this is) forever, forever
anymore, (this is) forever, forever

take me down before i get too cold
before i get too cold

murder, this is not a murder
(dont blame this on me
the bloods on your hands now)

If you cant figure out any of the words in that song, i hope to god you can still form coherant speach greater than that of a third grader. People kill me, they critisize just to critisize, i swear this is penis envy on a greater level . Any ways...

Larry and Zach are on they're way over right now to pick me up. I guess we're going over to larry's to write the lyrics that ive never posted anywhere, so that people critisizing my phantom writings will have something tangible to put down.

Still not touching his wang,
Ryan

DAY 7

2004-03-24T08:24:59Z

33 more days left. i guess that wouldnt be so bad...if every girl im around for the first cpl of my waking hours isnt incredibly attractive. Boredom right now is my worst enemy.

I bought the Mulan Rouge yesterday, that movie is amazing. Ewan McGregor has one of the best voices i've ever heard, i cant get over how talented he is. "Thank you for curing me of my ridiculious obsession with love" makes me fucking choke everytime....*sigh*. It makes me really want to throw myself back into acting...im starting to miss it. I have the rest of the week off of work, however ive got two days of practice and shows on thurs, fri, and sat...so this really isnt a break. If your a girl and you want to have a really deep conversation, drop me a note. AND NO! I dont hate my penis...just for the record.

-Ryan

day 6

2004-03-23T05:14:20Z

by the time im done typing this itll be day 6.

i watched 40 days and 40 nights with saghir and hanan, in hopes that it would give me some sort of justification for what im doing. instead i was bombarded by tits and ass. however it dawned on me that my own justifications were good enough. I dont feel whole unless im holding someones hand, and quite frankly it clouds my judgement. I figure maybe if i can actually relate to someone instead of wanting to get some ass, ill know that im doing something right. I dont NEED to be with someone, if it happens it happens.

for those ladies out there, im gonna fill you in on a little info. 50% of any normal guys waking day is spent on females. grooming, planning, thinking, im almost gonna say 60%. we spend so much time trying to attract the opposite sex, we loose what we are as individuals. I read a 300 page novel yesterday. if i became celibate until it was time to get married, or start a family, i would be a fucking walking library.

-ryan

DAY 3

2004-03-20T08:07:21Z

Brand New is writing your life story! clever and
insightful, but missing something...like love.
don't worry, you'll get over him or her
eventually.

Which Band Is Writing Your Life's Story?
brought to you by Quizilla

ok, ya so its day 3. and i swear if i dont touch it its going to fall off.......

umm hot girls at my work need to stop being...um hot.

so of course first day into it and i have the most provacative sex dream of my life.

awesome.

-Ryan

day 1

2004-03-18T19:38:01Z

...ive decided i hate girls.

day 1 of 40 is today

i probably deleted you off my buddy list

i figure in 40 days all future prospects will be taken, and i can go on living my menial life.

-ryan

...NOW IN VERSION 2.0

2004-03-16T03:56:41Z

ive come to the conclusion that i wont date a girl unless she listens to britney spears, doesnt have a lj and still thinks x's only belong at the begining of my favorite percussion instrument.

We wonder where faery tales get there introductions...

2004-03-14T08:34:55Z

the most beautiful girl in the world lives in a castle. Too bad shes already awake, and doesnt need a prince to kiss her...

ispelldisaster @ 2004-03-08T04:04:00

2004-03-08T09:09:00Z

emerging from this wire entraption.

who gave you the instructions on how to deconstruct the perfect ego. Built over five long years, with support beams of the finest steel and cement. walls thinnest at three feet and a fully functional security system. And yet, hardly visible, a white flag set snugly in the window of the highest floor. Where the ghost of a 13 year old boy still beats his chest and crys tears of vengence. Through fury red cheeks, swears oaths of ostracism and mal-intent .

This blood pact with granate has kept me safe for so long, so long...im slowly on my way out. I can only hope the perfect ego has a flight of stairs.

TO CLEAR THE RECORD:

2004-03-06T08:53:05Z

Sam g and I are not seeing each other, in fact nothing is going on between Sam g and myself, despite what youve heard from other people. This whole thing has been blown way out of proportion, and honestly im sick of people asking me if we've "done stuff". SO guys sam g is single, attack her if need be...ladies im single as well, so go find a dark closet to hide in until the coast is clear.

-Ryan

ispelldisaster @ 2004-02-27T00:44:00

2004-02-27T05:49:08Z

Hark!

MISSION CANADA:

2004-02-25T20:59:37Z

1.infiltrate canadian base
2.walk around topless (its legal there)
3.find a pond or lake of some sort and pee in it
4.implement bottle rockets anywhere unnecissary
5.wear as many obnoxious american paraphernalia as possible (I.E.American flags, I <3 america shirts )
6.wait till sun up and eat Tim Hortons as loud as possible

This mission is a dangerous one, and only the stout of heart will emerge victorious. SO WHO'S WITH ME!?!?

-Red Leader

...

2004-02-25T06:18:59Z

Somedays, somedays, i wish i could just puke up my guts to see what color i really am. I can never truely explain my feelings the way i wanted to, and i really dont think i ever will. It seemed as though i was left with the classic dilema, "cut your leg off or starve to death in the bear trap". I dont no if doctors will ever be able to reattach what i lost, but atleast ill be able to hobble along towards a brighter day. I hate my immaturity, and i hate the fact that im too weak to over come it. Fuck this sickness i call the human spirit, fuck it all...no more lies, i refuse to be a liar again.

-ryan

ispelldisaster @ 2004-02-17T15:03:00

2004-02-17T20:06:49Z

this is pretty fucking sad, play practice was cancelled and im exstatic becuase i now have two free hours befor ei go to work. TWO WHOLE HOURS, i havent had a break like this in over a month, so now i dont know what to do with myself, becuase i have two hours to do whatever i want....

-Ryan